All I did was offer this wedding advice – then my friend called me a fun sponge --[Reported by Umva mag]

Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.

Dear Alison, 

I got married a couple of years ago, and while it was the best day of my life, my husband and I are still a long way from paying it off. 

Since then, I’ve become a bit of a wedding Scrooge and offer myself as a cautionary tale to engaged friends about why they should spend within their means, take their time, and not put it all on credit cards/take out loans like we did.

I especially ramp this up when I see friends splurging on superfluous things like custom made wedding toppers, multiple outfit changes, massive floral displays on every table.

While some friends have said they’ve appreciated my advice over the years, another has recently said that I’m a bit of a fun sponge and should let people make their own choices.

I don’t regret my wedding day, but I do regret living in so much debt when I know we could have had just as much fun without hiring a van that solely served espresso martinis.

Should I tone down my concern?

Thanks,  

Sasha 

Dear Sasha

I can see both ends here – weddings are fantastic and joyous, but they can easily blow any budget.

It’s so easy to splurge on things that, in hindsight, you might not necessarily have needed, and you clearly have learned this lesson.

Organising a wedding can be daunting, especially if you have never done it before, but once you have organised your own or helped organise someone else’s, you learn many lessons. 

So, it’s lovely that you have gained valuable insights from planning your own wedding and are trying to prevent your friends from making the same financial mistakes.

In fact, there are multiple surveys that have taken place over the years asking couples if they have any regrets about planning their wedding day. One topic that always comes up is that they wish they had spent less on it, but it is essential to remember that this is only true for some couples and not everyone.

You clearly relate to this experience, and it makes sense that you want to share this wisdom with your friends, especially since you are still paying for your wedding. 

But, every bride and groom have different priorities, which is something you need to be aware of when you’re giving what you think is helpful advice.

It is also worth considering that you won’t know a couple’s financial situation. Some of your friends might be able to, and are very happy to, afford the extra floral displays or multiple outfit changes.

It’s important to remember that weddings are deeply personal; for some, splurging on certain elements is part of the magic. When you understand and respect this, your advice will be more empathetic and less intrusive.  

So, while your advice is well-intentioned, it may come across to some people as you’re suppressing the joy of others’ excitement – hence the ‘fun sponge’ comment.

I would advise maintaining your passion for helping others avoid wedding debt – but consider changing your approach.

Share your story in a way that offers your experiences as something to consider rather than what may feel like a lecture. This approach will make your advice more approachable and relatable, creating a more open and understanding conversation.

A softer approach shows that while you loved your wedding day, if you did it again, you might scale back on a few extras you realise may not have been necessary. Then, if any couple is interested in knowing more, they can ask questions. 

Your friends will appreciate your honesty, but it is then their choice whether to ask more questions about the lessons you learned or how they may want to spend extravagantly on their wedding.

I wish you lots of fun sharing your friends’ excitement during the build-up to their weddings.

Best wishes

Alison

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