Do you fall in love at the drop of a hat? You might have emophilia --[Reported by Umva mag]

In an ideal world, we would meet a romantic partner and know, in an instant, that we would be with them forever. 

The real world is a bit trickier than that though, and love at first sight is a tall order — particularly in the age of dating apps and (perceived) limitless choice.

Most of us, especially those who have been burned before, are more inclined to take things slow when it comes to love, looking out for red flags, or even pink and beige flags, because we’re afraid of wasting our time or getting hurt.

But there are some among us who take the absolute opposite approach; who fling themselves, over and over, head first into love, swearing up and down that they’ve found ‘the one’, and getting attached extremely quickly, sometimes even dangerously so.

And, wouldn’t you know, there’s a name for them: emophiliacs. 

What is emophilia?

The concept of emophilia has been around for a while, previously known, in the psychology community, as ‘emotional promiscuity’.

Now, a new book and a recent paper by Dr Daniel Jones, associate professor of psychology at the University of Nevada, has delved further into the trait.

Jones defines Emophilia as ‘the tendency to fall in love fast and easily.’

Emophilia, he writes, ‘is a want process, not a need process,’ and is ‘associated with a rush of falling in love and rapid romantic attachment.’

Essentially, says Carol Martin-Sperry, a sex therapist registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), it’s a ‘fancy name for people who fall in love very quickly and then repeat the process’.

While emophilia isn’t a pathology (as in, it isn’t part of a mental health diagnosis) it can result in negative consequences, mainly because it can cause people to make riskier decisions when feeling the rush of love.

This could look like ignoring red flags, ignoring safe sex practices and even, as Dr Jones’ paper notes, ‘perjuring oneself for an antisocial romantic partner.’

Not to mention, it can be emotionally tumultuous to consistently give all of yourself to a new partner, believing that they’re ‘the one’, only for it not to last.

‘You’re giving yourself over to someone you don’t know very well,’ Carol tells Metro. 

‘I’m not saying that you’re wrong about that person, or you’re right, but it’s usually more sensible to get to know someone before you get straight into a relationship.’ 

What causes emophilia

Dr Jones says that emophilia is more about wanting to fall in love for the thrill of it, than it is about needing to fall in love due to loneliness. 

However, we don’t just desire things in a vacuum; Carol suggests that often with emophilia, especially if it happens cyclically, there are likely to be some underlying reasons.

Barbara Santini, a psychologist, sex and relationships adviser at Peaches and Screams, agrees.

She tells Metro: ‘This phenomenon often arises from underlying emotional vulnerabilities such as anxiety or past traumas, which drive a desperate need for connection. 

‘While this intense infatuation can feel exhilarating, it frequently conceals deeper issues, leading to relationships that lack a solid foundation.’

There may also be an undercurrent of fantasy and duty to conform fuelling emophilia, as Barbara explains: ‘We live in a culture that romanticises swift connections, glorifying whirlwind romances and creating a distorted perception of healthy relationship dynamics. 

‘This societal pressure can lead individuals to believe they must rush into love to validate their worth or to meet perceived ideals of romance.’

How to deal with emophilia

If you’re someone who finds themselves running through cycles of meeting ‘the one’, realising you weren’t right for each other, then breaking up and doing it all over again, it’s a good idea to dig deeper to understand where this tendency is coming from.

First, it’s important to notice that you are, in fact, in a cycle. Then you can figure out why.

It’s also worth observing your actions and thoughts when you do meet someone new: are you actually falling in love with them, or is it a projection? 

‘Journaling can illuminate behavioural patterns, helping to identify triggers for impulsive affection,’ advises Barbara.

‘Additionally, developing mindfulness techniques fosters a deeper awareness of one’s emotional landscape, allowing individuals to distinguish between genuine connection and the allure of rapid infatuation. 

‘Understanding these nuances is essential for cultivating sustainable and meaningful relationships, empowering individuals to pursue love that is both enriching and lasting.’

If you’re worried about your behaviour, Carol recommends speaking to a therapist, but also warns: ‘Be careful out there. Think before you jump.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected].

The following news has been carefully analyzed, curated, and compiled by Umva Mag from a diverse range of people, sources, and reputable platforms. Our editorial team strives to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information we provide. By combining insights from multiple perspectives, we aim to offer a well-rounded and comprehensive understanding of the events and stories that shape our world. Umva Mag values transparency, accountability, and journalistic integrity, ensuring that each piece of content is delivered with the utmost professionalism.